I'm so tired lately, and it's not a sleep thing. I just have a whole load of shit being dumped on me all at once, and it's really taking its toll. I feel angry and ashamed and sad and it all weighs me down. I've become the dumping ground lately for everyone's undesirable shit. It's like, no one even realizes, I have my own problems too, and while I don't mean that people should avoid telling me things, they should try and cope on their own first.
I feel bad for even writing this, because I know in the past I was nothing but oh woe is me, so i feel like I've got no right to speak up. But I've done a lot of shit for people who don't necessarily deserve my help lately, and I'm fed up. I'm done being taken advantage of.
I haven't been so much sunshine rainbows and ponies myself for a while now, but i haven't dumped it on anyone, or used it as an excuse to do/not do something, and I want out. Its my party and I'll cry if I want to. I hate the way i feel, how I think, and how I look. I criticize myself almost to the point of tears more days than not, but I've never let it be known to my so called friends, because I've had to lick their wounds, because I'm too fucking nice to say step off motherfucker.
I'm not going out of my way for anyone anymore, you all don't fucking deserve it. I do everything in my power, even beyond the point of reason, to help you, and you refuse all I have to offer. And then you still have the fucking nerve to say I don't care, I do everything out of a sense of obligation, blah blah blah. shut the fuck up. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't even gone on this long, and said fine you bitch, if you want to fucking die, just do it, I'm tired of your shit. But we both know I'm too nice to say it, and you use me for it. god damn slut.
This entry started out mostly as a general fuck you world, but now, it's all about you. Like everything else for me. It all comes back to you.
I hate you for being the way you are, I hate you for acting like you do, and I hate you for making me feel this way.